


we are the reckless

by lightwavesurfer



Series: tell me what is love [3]
Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, TWICE (Band)
Genre: Drama, F/F, JYP Entertainment - Freeform, K-Pop - Freeform, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 21:10:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8260606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightwavesurfer/pseuds/lightwavesurfer
Summary: You’re going to find your love when you're seventeen.No one told her that love was a part of growing up.





	

Chaeyoung dropped her pen.

“Why did you turn the lights off? I’m still working here,” she said without looking behind, to Dahyun, and felt stupid for asking. It’s weekdays, they’d have a comeback soon, and it’s way past her bedtime.

“It’s late,” Dahyun said simply, “Mina asked me about you. Like, why you didn’t join us for dinner. I told her you’re busy with school. And, as usual, she believed me.”

“Of course.”

Dahyun was easier to talk but Chaeyoung didn’t feel like talking today. She was tired, and there were too many arguments and excuses inside her mind. She’s not ready to talk.

“Why, though?” Dahyun dropped to the bed. Chaeyoung could feel eyes on her back. “You’re not seriously avoiding her, are you? It’d be bad if you are.”

“Mina is thinking too much,” Chaeyoung cut through, waving her hand. “There are eight other girls. She shouldn’t be too lonely.”

There’s a pause. Chaeyoung peered over her shoulder. Dahyun gave her a wry smile.

“Are you jealous?”

Chaeyoung rolled her eyes. “Of who?”

“You don’t deny that you’re jealous?”

In the dark of her room, she watched a shadow shuffle outside of the bedroom. Next: a hush. Then, the shadow went further and disappeared from sight.

“How long have you been waiting to ask me this?” Chaeyoung relented. She plopped down onto the carpet with her arms stretched out.

“A while.”

There was a rustle from the bed. Chaeyoung  waited  and frowned. “Am I that obvious?”

“No,” Dahyun replied smoothly, “but if you ask Mina, then the answer is yes.”

*

_You’re going to find your love when you're seventeen._

Chaeyoung remembered.

She received an old divination a long time ago. A mindless fun because she’s still young, still curious, and never thought about love at all.

No one told her that love was a part of growing up.

*

It was unexpected. When Mina said she’s going to pick her up, Chaeyoung never thought she’d see Mina standing outside of her school gate, and Chaeyoung hated the feeling because she thought Mina, at least, could give her a warning.

Of course, people were staring. When she saw Chaeyoung, she waved her hand. A nice  gesture  and Chaeyoung waved back.  

In the meantime, Chaeyoung kept her face neutral. She’s happy to see Mina. It’s always like this when Mina was around. She saw Mina every time. They met in the practice room, they lived in the same dorm, they sang together on the stage. Mina’s existence was nothing new for her.

“I have a day off,” Mina said as Chaeyoung stood before her. She hid her hair with a wool cap and wore a red overcoat. “So I think it’d be nice to pick you,” she quipped, her eyes shone  brightly .

Chaeyoung scowled. “Standing here alone is like asking to get mobbed.”

Mina got this look, this _particular_ look where her eyes disappeared to crescents and soft wrinkles appeared on her nose, a very pretty way to smile, and it’s _so very Mina_. 

For Chaeyoung, Mina was a secret, and she could easily admit to herself that she’d fallen for Mina since the first time they met in the company, since Chaeyoung was still sixteen and love wasn’t exactly something  she had in mind .

She wondered if this was a part of growing up.

“I don’t think I’m famous enough to have people stalking me,” Mina said. She turned on her heels and padded back to the car with Chaeyoung following her. “I just needed some air, so I decided to walk for a bit.”

“Do you find something interesting along the way?”

That was as dramatic as their conversation went, as close as a friend could be. They needed to talk because that’s what friends should do. Chaeyoung wasn’t sure if she’s good at  it though.

“Waiting is not exactly thrilling, you know,” Mina glanced at her and smiled.

Chaeyoung’s heart launched to her throat. Her fingers curled around the leather of her backpack. She never thought it would hit her this deep.

“What do you want?” Chaeyoung asked. Her voice was quiet.

Mina sighed. “I don’t know. You tell me.”

“You’re an idiot,” Chaeyoung groaned, frustrated. There’s no place for decorum, not when she’s trying hard to find some clarity about the situation. “Last time I checked, my specialty is rapping, not reading people’s mind.”

A strange look crossed Mina’s face. It’s unreadable. A bit hurt, maybe. Chaeyoung felt small under that look. She didn’t like how it affect her. It’s too confusing. The side of her head was throbbing as Chaeyoung dropped her face; hands buried deep inside her pocket. She didn’t move.

“I'm sorry,” Mina said it. She took a step forward but didn’t reach for Chaeyoung. “I want to talk to you—”

“We’re talking now,” Chaeyoung cut dryly. “It’s not something really important, right?”

Mina paused. Disappointed. And it’s very obvious for Chaeyoung to see that she had to bite a wince, opting to look down at the tips of her shoes. Her chest felt a little heavy and there’s a pressure growing on the back of her throat. She’s going to regret this.

“It doesn’t have to be important,” Mina mumbled. “But if I  have to be honest,” she managed, “I’ll feel really happy if you show me again your drawings. It’s been a while.”

Mina slid into the car and Chaeyoung didn’t immediately follow. The wind was brisk on her skin. It was little too cold.

Chaeyoung was thinking about falling.

*

News said they’re going to have a comeback soon, the concept was still a mystery, the girls quietly prepared themselves for  different round of schedules  and a  whole bunch of other things that Chaeyoung didn’t entirely sure she’s going to survive it. But they kept her busy and Chaeyoung preferred it like that.

“So how’s the talking go?” Dahyun said from the bed.

As usual, it’s only them in the room. Tzuyu was helping  Naeyeon with her cleaning chores because  Naeyeon , who was supposed to be the oldest, was nagging at Tzuyu like a big baby.

“Your curiosity is unwanted,” she pointed at  Dahyun, and received a pillow hit her square on the forehead. She gave Dahyun a glare. “And this face makes money!”

“You’re annoying when you’re confused,” Dahyun rolled to her back; her feet were on the mattress. “And you’re stubborn. You won’t make it easy for Mina to talk to you.”

Dahyun was perceptive, Chaeyoung thought. It felt like Dahyun could easily guess what’s inside her mind without even asking her. Maybe she had the talent, or maybe she’s better at reading Chaeyoung compared to the others.

“I don’t know what she’s thinking,” Chaeyoung admitted, climbing up to her own bed. Her arms were above her head as she watched the black spots on the ceiling. “I have to second-guess everything she said. Maybe it’s  because of the language. I did try to understand, but nothing makes sense. Everything is overlapping and I don’t know what I feel anymore.”

“You don’t know?” Dahyun echoed, laughing.

Chaeyoung nodded. “I don’t know,” she repeated. “She didn’t talk that much in the first place, how can you expect me to understand what she’s thinking? She’s… too much. Too confusing.”

Dahyun was gentle. “Isn’t she?” she turned  to  her stomach, looking at Chaeyoung. “And that makes her special, right?”

Chaeyoung pursed her lips. Something hot began to grow on her chest.

She wished she’s fifteen and her feelings didn’t feel like a  constraint .

“She is.”

*

Mina was visiting her parents back in Kobe, and Dahyun told her to call Mina. Just for the sake of it, nothing more. She stared at the phone in her hand, swallowed, and buried her nose back to her homework.

And later that night, she did text Mina, said _hi_ and _I want some snacks_ because  talking about food was always the safest topic for everyone.

Her phone lit up with a notification a few minutes later. _I’ll bring you lots of it_ , followed by smiling emojis, and ended up with a simple _I miss you._

Chaeyoung flushed. Her fingers moved faster before her mind could process what she’s supposed to say.

The greetings came after the fourth ring.

_“You’re supposed to sleep.”_

Chaeyoung straightened. The sheets dug into her heels. She listened to the background noise on the other side of the  line , closing her eyes and thinking about nothing in particular.

“I’m bored,” she said, bringing her notepad to her lap. Her fingers drummed against the paper. “I need a break from my homework. Dahyun and Tzuyu are sleeping now.”

Mina’s laugh was sort of teasing. _“They didn’t help you?”_

Chaeyoung laughed too. “Nothing I can’t handle,” she fell silent. “Why are you still awake?”

_“Can’t sleep,”_ Mina murmured, “ _It’s weird. I’m in my own room but I can’t sleep. The feelings… it’s different from the dorm. I feel like I’m missing something.”_

Mina didn’t hesitate and it scared Chaeyoung a bit.

They fell to some kind of silence, like usual. If there’s an award for the most awkward conversation, Chaeyoung would definitely win the category.  It was never easy.

Mina was breathing slowly. Chaeyoung closed her eyes. There’s no end to this.

“Mina,” Chaeyoung didn’t use honorifics. This wasn’t the time. “Do you think I’m hard to talk to?”

No answer. The question echoed in the air. Chaeyoung could hear them bouncing against the walls, wondering if Mina understood what she meant. Then there’s the guilt. Chaeyoung didn’t understand why but she remembered that she’s dealing with Mina, and there’s no easy way to deal with what she’s currently feeling.

_“You have your reasons.”_

Chaeyoung swallowed. “It’s a shitty reason.”

Mina was quiet. There  was  a sigh, a shudder and Chaeyoung tried not to think about Mina crying. Mina should never cry for her. Mina didn’t deserve any of this.

Her throat burned. “Someone told me this a long time ago,” she continued and found herself lying on her back. The dorm was quiet and her heart drummed inside her chest. She thought of rhythm and music, remembered about the divination. She had accepted that she understood nothing and her thoughts started to create words. “That I’ll fall in love when I’m seventeen…” the note hit her hard and Chaeyoung warned herself that she can’t take her words back, “and I’m learning how to do it right.”

Confessions didn’t come easy on her. It’s different from anything she had seen before. It’s different from the movies. It’s different from writing songs.  It’s anticlimactic, too short, leaving too many holes.

But this… _this confession was hers._

“I’m not okay with how I treat you,” she nearly choked, almost pulling her hair in frustration. “I like having you near. I like holding your hands. We should’ve done more than that. We should have a talk with each other.”

Mina hummed. _“We should._ ”

“But I didn’t do any of that,” Chaeyoung didn’t think what she’s saying anymore, “just because I don’t talk to you as much as I did before, it doesn’t mean I hate you. I need time. I want to figure out what _I really feel_ for you, and I want it to be true,” she said with a shaky breath. Needles began poking on the back of her eyes. “ _I need time,_ Mina. I don’t want to give anything less because you deserve more than this.”

_“I could kiss you_.”

Mina broke in. Her breathing was shaky, and there’s a husk in her voice, a distinction that described Myoui Mina as a whole.

Chaeyoung’s lips curled  into a smile. She nodded.

“We have a lot to talk about,” she replied, “but yeah, I really want to kiss you too.”

This was never going to be perfect, Chaeyoung realized, but this was just a first step. A strange one. But it’s a start of something new.

It’s a start of growing up.

 


End file.
